I almost skipped this weeks post because I’ve been so exhausted. I already fell off track with my YouTube schedule and this stresses me out. I have been posting on TikTok but not consistently.
Due to a traumatic event that I’ve been trying my best to process, I had a severe meltdown. It’s been over a week now since I’ve been non verbal. I’ve never gone this long being non verbal before so it has me pretty concerned. I saw my psychiatrist and my primary doctor to discuss my situation and they seem to think that this is a catatonic episode. I was prescribed Ativan to try to offset some of the anxiety and hopefully it’ll help bring myself back to baseline.
Worst case scenario is I’ll be admitted to be sedated if this continues too much longer. I can’t even begin to process being in a hospital away from my family. Knowing that there’s a possibility that I’ll be admitted has put a ton of pressure on me and I can’t seem to regulate myself. All this worrying definitely isn’t good for my situation but I hope the Ativan helps with that.
I have AAC on my phone and iPad to communicate in the time being. It’s text to speech. It’s very helpful but definitely not the same as verbalizing my wants and needs. I feel like I have so many thoughts and emotions bottled up because I can’t verbalize it. Typing becomes too exhausting after a while because I do have a lot to say. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my room isolating myself to reduce the need to have to communicate at all because I’m just tired of this.
To make matters worse, I had a seizure on Sunday and I’m pretty sure it was induced by the amount of stress I’m under from my current state. I see my neurologist soon for that.
I’m trying really hard to maintain my routine and schedule but it’s getting so hard and just the thought of it being ruined upsets me. I don’t know what to do. A break from posting would be beneficial so I don’t have so many demands and tasks to worry about but I just can’t let myself fall off track more than I already have.
Please keep me in your thoughts and let’s hope that this situation resolves itself very soon.